Do you believe in ghosts? This was the beginning of a «story-telling café» I went to this week.
If the question makes you think about ghosts you will probably go beyond the image of the white sheet ghosts. The phantasmagoria of our mind is so powerful that we could spend days writing about all which creates fear to us. For example…
- To break up a relationship that is taking you nowhere, only for the fear of feeling lonely.
- Not feeling confident enough for a certain job.
- Something bad that could happen to our son/daughter.
- To contradict someone for the fear of conflict.
The list is long, and I could go on…
Fear is something created from our minds. As a psychologist, I tend to explain fear based on the psychological theories, that is, fear is considered as a basic emotion. From this perspective, you can perceive fear as an adaptative function. Therefore, it helps you to prevent something that can be life-threatening. Well, the issue here is: where do we put the limit to fear?
Clearly, to give fear a space is like opening a can of worms. And what creates fear to someone else doesn’t create it for others. Again we turn to the idea of mental construction, because of our nature as human beings, withs conscience, chronological time awareness, and language, with all that this entails.
That’s why I love the question arising from the «story-telling café»:
Does fear help us?
Even more than this, is it helpful calling the fear by this name?
Coaching is about breaking patterns, changing the outlook, daring, and feeling more alive. Thus, through those questions, we will open new paths.
We have to be careful of falling into the trap of our ego, this part of us that always wants to have everything around us under control. Our ego can say in the name of fear: «don’t go this way», «don’t trust in that person».
If we keep this trap, we must know that also we will lose a path of infinite discoveries, exploration of the world and awareness of our capacities. Because, until we have the courage to ignore the fear and jump far away, we will miss the oppotunity of feeling more alive.
Is because of that the next sentence was whirling in my mind…
“fear snatches the freedom to live”